7 Bona Fide Places to Visit for Some Guaranteed Bump an’ Grind Action in Hawaii.

7 Bona Fide Places to Visit for Some Guaranteed Bump an’ Grind Action in Hawaii.

I have a confession.

I’ve been visiting strip clubs while on vacation for quite a while.

Why?

Well, before the kids, mortgage and the boring life stuff that came along with it, my husband and I were actually fun people who loved letting off steam.

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I’m sure you’ve heard the “work hard play hard” saying a million times.  But, for us, it was true. We’d make money knowing full well we planned on blowing it all while on vacation; and anyway, beaches can be pretty dangerous places when you have fair skin!

Now, let me clear something up quickly. Ladies, you think that men or women that visit strip clubs go only to get laid, right? I’m not saying it doesn’t happen; sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t.  But, if you ever just pop your head in, I can guarantee you’d be pretty surprised at the different types of people you’d find there.

I’ve met doctors, teachers and lawyers, right alongside homeless men and pastors.

Think of it as a cheap therapy session, but where the therapist wears less gear and doesn’t over-analysis everything. To be honest, most of the strippers and patrons just want someone to talk to, judgment free. 

This got me thinking. My man and I can’t be the only ones who like to watch beautiful women undress while on vacation, could we? 

So, on my honeymoon no less, I asked a stunning stripper to give me some tips on the best strip joints to visit in Hawaii.

Doesn’t matter if you’re a hardcore enthusiast or a tittie bar first-timer, these venues will ensure that you have a banging good time (Pun of course intended). 

(A quick note: There’s a ‘no lap dancing allowed’ rule in the City and County of Honolulu. The local police decided, in the late ’90s, that a woman wearing a thong grinding against your legs constitutes prostitution. It’s a shame, really, as the lap dancing scene was apparently rocking back then.)

Club Rock-Za

One of the most famous; Club Rock-Za, is located on the mauka (inland) side of Kapiolani, across from the convention center, at Atkinson.

Club Rock-Za has one of the largest selection of dancers around. Remember to buy at least a couple of drinks and maybe a dance or two while you’re there. Have fun, let your hair down a bit (if you can) and relax. Go with it and experience a night you sure won’t forget!

Club Femme Nu

Just half a block away from the Convention Center, Club Femme Nu is rad! It’s been around since 1988 and boasts four stages, six private rooms and welcomes bachelor parties with open arms.

The one thing I liked and I know a few of my friends enjoyed too, was that the dancers and staff treated everyone like they were on a “pretend first date.” It’s a great place for both of you to live out your fantasy; but be warned, no touching means no touching!

Hawaii by Night

I kid you not, this club is actually in Waikiki. It’s a little hole in the wall, a “ghetto,” I suppose, but it’s amazing fun. The women are hot, the music is great and everyone, including the staff, are just there to party royally!

The downside? You won’t find a drop of alcohol here. Don’t let that put you off, though. I was a bit skeptical whether I’d have a good time here without a hard drink, but a friend slipped the VIP host $30 and we were very well looked after!

Club 939

I’ve never visited this club myself, so don’t shoot the messenger, but a few friends have and fu*king loved it! One did comment that he found it a tad expensive, but to me, a good time shouldn’t be based on how much you spend.

It’s just a few minutes walk from Waikiki, on the corner of King Street and Keeaumoku.

Photo By Pulpconnection

Another tip my friend mentioned; he stupidly thought he may have been in love with one of the dancers and repeatedly asked for her name. Just don’t do it, especially not here. We all have alter egos and private lives. Crossing the line is a no no! 

These four clubs are the big guns, going in thinking that you’re going to get laid just isn’t going to happen.  Most of the women will tell you straight up that they don’t hook up, though that won’t stop them from emptying your cash and leaving you hot under the collar. 

If you’re by chance looking for (ahem) something more, your best bet is to check out some of the smaller dive bars.

Asian Massage Parlors

If it’s a certain type of itch you need to scratch, then check out one of the many Asian massage parlors.

Granted, most cities have a massage parlor that is well known for offering a little more tug and pull than the others.  In Hawaii, this is an industry, would you believe?!

So, if you’ve never graced an Asian Massage Parlor or are unsure what to do, then here’s the low-down.

Once inside, most parlors will have the women lazing around in a communal area in lingerie. Most of the women will be South Korean, Japanese, Philippine or Chinese, with the odd white girl chucked in. 

The mamasan (the lady in charge) is your guide and will show you around and lead you to your private room. This is when she will ask for the house fee, normally around $40 to $70.

Don’t panic if you’ve changed your mind or don’t see anyone that interests you. The mamasans are polite and professional and, if you HAVE paid the house fee, will return it.

If everything is squared away and you’re happy, the woman in question will come in and talk you through what will happen next. This normally involves a shower, a soapy rub, then back to the room where whatever happens happens. 

Obviously, the more generous you are with the tip, the more generous she’ll be with her time.

Honolulu is scattered with Asian Massage Parlors, but the three that were mentioned to me by friends are off of Ward Avenue, not too far from Exotic Nights.

Roppongi, Golden Queen, and Pink have been recommended to me by friends. Something about the women being mega hot…. I’ll leave you to decide that for yourselves….

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All in all, Hawaii is the best place ever to have a great time! So what if a lot of these places aren’t as high class as Spearmint Rhino? Who cares!

These clubs will take you back to the 90s; where dark neon lights and loud hip hop music were the bomb! Check ‘em out, unless you’re a neurotic that is….

The post 7 Bona Fide Places to Visit for Some Guaranteed Bump an’ Grind Action in Hawaii. appeared first on Live Your Aloha Hawaii Tours & Activities.

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I Spent My Hawaii Vacation Money On This Super Cute Dress: 9 Free Things to Do on the Islands

I Spent My Hawaii Vacation Money On This Super Cute Dress: 9 Free Things to Do on the Islands

So you’re finally in Hawaii and you just spent half of your money shopping for the best threads and the other half in a crazy alcohol-fueled frenzy. That’s perfectly good and all, but what happens when you are running low on funds and still want to have an amazing time?

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An all-inclusive Hawaii resort is generally the answer to a lazy tourist’s problems, but you came to Hawaii to explore! So get out of the damn hotel and check out these 9 free things to do on the islands.

Mt. Tantalus

Not much of a mountain climber? Don’t worry. Mt. Tantalus in Oahu is referred to by residents as “the hill,” so it’s not like you’ll be scaling any cliffs. Chill out and strap on your hiking boots because you don’t want to miss the tropical jungles of Puʻuohiʻa (a local name for the mountain).

Peppered with some of the most beautiful estates on the island, Mt. Tantalus offers many free activities to do in Hawaii like cycling, bird-watching, hiking, running, and sight-seeing. You can easily escape here by car for a scenic drive in Honolulu’s backyard rainforest. Take Round Top Drive across the mountain for some of the most breathtaking views the island has to offer.

Fireworks

Every Friday night is like the Fourth of July on Waikiki Beach. Fireworks are one of the best free things to do in Hawaii at night. Stroll onto the beach at about quarter-to-eight to watch the sky light up.

The show is put on by the Hilton Hawaiian Village at Duke Kahanamoku Lagoon, but you don’t need to be there to see it. You can steal a spot to veg virtually anywhere on the beach and still enjoy the show. The fireworks last for about 10 minutes and the event is a great way to start off a night of debauchery with a bang.

Snorkeling

This kind of activity is a given for any tropical locale, so plan ahead. You can purchase a snorkel and fin set for less than $100 and throw it in your suitcase. If you’re renting simple equipment like this when you get there, you’re doing it wrong.

You can snorkel as much as you want for free at spots like Oahu’s Hanauma Bay near Honolulu and Shark Cove located on the North Shore. If you want to venture farther out, you’ll need to pay for the boat ride. For super free fun, however, you can see plenty of fish right from the shore. Check out this guide for some of the best spots on the islands to snorkel.

Torch Lighting

If you have an hour to kill and no change in your pocket, why not dip into the free torch lighting ceremony at Kuhio Beach Park in Waikiki? The show features traditional Hawaiian music and dancing on a beachside setting at sunset. Held every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday, the event usually starts at 6 p.m.

Make sure to bring a towel or blanket with you, as the seating is any grass spot that you can plunk down on. Since it’s near dinner time, pack a picnic and your flask, so you can chow down and get your drink on while enjoying the show. Say Mahalo to the Honolulu Office of Economic Development for putting on this free event for tourists who may have spent too much, too soon.

Pearl Harbor

Free fun activities in Hawaii can also be about discovering history. Oahu’s Pearl Harbor is an incredible place to explore. The USS Arizona Memorial is a brilliant white structure with sharp features that cut into the skyline. It is surrounded by water and is only accessible by naval boats. The building was erected 54 years ago, over the wreckage of the actual ship, where over a thousand crewman died in the Battle of Pearl Harbor.

The Pearl Harbor Visitor’s center is also home to the Pacific Aviation Museum, the USS Missouri (Mighty Mo), and the USS Bowfin Submarine, all of which can be toured as well.*

Although this may not seem like a typical activity for your Hawaii vacation, when are you ever going to have the chance again to see an island monument so rooted in American history?

* There may be a small fee to visit some of the exhibits, so it’s best to check first.

Complimentary Classes

Want to learn how to lei? No, not the kind that happens after a night of pina coladas and sexy beach romps. It’s the flower garland that every tourist is adorned with upon arrival. The Royal Hawaiian Center in Honolulu offers a variety of complimentary classes that include a free lei-making class.

The center offers a variety of complimentary classes Monday-Friday and live entertainment Tuesday-Saturday. Classes include activities like learning LomiLomi massage, playing the Ukelele and even how to Hula yourself. Classes fill up super quick, so high tail it there early if you want to participate.

The Trails

Hiking is by far one of the best free things to do when you’ve spent your vacation money on useless knick knacks and cool clothes. Locals will tell you that, in Honolulu, the #55 bus circles the island, with virtually every stop exposing another trail begging to be tread.

There are many apps on the market that can lead you to the best hikes on any of the islands. AllTrails is currently one of the most popular out there and you can download it for free while riding on the #55. Of course, you can always get a map or ask the locals too, if you don’t have a smartphone, grandpa.

Free Events

The International Marketplace is not only an exquisite shopping and dining center, it’s also home to a variety of free events year round. Located in the middle of Honolulu, it’s the perfect place to people watch, grab a souvenir, and get the inside scoop on Hawaiian culture.

The marketplace offers everything from free yoga classes to events like Sunset Stories. Held August through December each year, the event takes place on Kalakaua Avenue just after sundown. Stories of Hawaiian icons like Don Ho and Queen Emma are told through Polynesian song and dance. If you can keep your grubby hands off your wallet and avoid the stores, the marketplace is a huge resource for free fun activities in Hawaii.

Turtle Beach

Everyone can agree, sea turtles are awesome. Most people only get to see these gentle giants in a zoo or aquarium. Yet, this is not the case for the wandering and curious Hawaiian visitor! Aptly named Turtle Beach, the sandy destination is a free Hawaiian activity that anyone at any age can appreciate.

Locally known as Laniakea Beach, the home of the honu (Hawaiian for sea turtle) is located between Haleiwa and Waimea Bay, right off of highway 83. Finding the beach can be a challenge. The trick is to look for the parked cars on the mountain side of the road.

Always remember to respect Turtle Beach and never approach a honu. The simple site of them chilling with you on the same sand is more than enough to make this one of the best free activities to do in Hawaii.

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Although budgeting is usually the smartest decision, no one can control your overstimulated need to splurge on the first day. If you find yourself in this kind of a pickle, at least now you have 9 different ways to still have a killer time in Hawaii, without spending a dime.

The post I Spent My Hawaii Vacation Money On This Super Cute Dress: 9 Free Things to Do on the Islands appeared first on Live Your Aloha Hawaii Tours & Activities.

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“If I See Macadamia Nut-Crusted Mahi Mahi One More Time…”: 6 Hawaiian Restaurants that Serve Some Serious Fish

“If I See Macadamia Nut-Crusted Mahi Mahi One More Time…”:

6 Hawaiian Restaurants that Serve Some Serious Fish

It’s widely known that every region around the world has a signature dish.

Paris? Frog legs and buttered snails. New Orleans? Gumbo, often served with a hangover. New York’s got Gray’s Papaya hot dogs, Portland has Voodoo Doughnuts and all of Southern California is basically Tijuana 2.0 (read: bona fide Mexican eats at every grubby, traffic-ridden corner).

But, come west for a Hawaiian vacation? Chances are you’ll be bowled over by the vast array of choices, rendering it difficult to point to a single distinguishing dish.

We have Asian influences that range from Filipino to Vietnamese, authentic Hawaiian food like poi and lau lau and American fusion—whatever the hell that means—that conveniently forgets things like gluten and flavor.

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But, if there’s one staple of Hawaiian food you shouldn’t miss on your trip, it’s fish.

These are islands, after all, surrounded by a glossy Pacific not exactly teeming with marine life (Trump, overfishing, pirates), but certainly producing a healthy amount of melt-in-your-mouth seafood.

And, yet. We can be a…how do I put it? Laze-back culture. The tried and true becomes so easy that we rarely get out of our comfort zones. I feel it, the bum at Kalama Park feels it and chefs undoubtedly feel it. And, this manifests in mahi mahi taking center stage at nearly every goddamn venue.

Don’t get me wrong: Mahi mahi is well and good, but it’s become trite in its ubiquity.

Strap on your lobster bib and hit up these six inventive seafood restaurants instead:

1). Sansei Seafood Restaurant and Sushi Bar: Kihei and Kapalua, Maui; Waikiki, Oahu; Waikoloa, Big Island

Ask a local where to find the finest sushi and guarans Sansei will wiggle its way into the conversation.

With locations on three of the major islands—Maui, Oahu, and Hawaii—Sansei serves sashimi so fresh that you can practically see the fish’s heartbeat.

The selection is wide and varied, from old standards, like scallops and salmon, to Wahu, smelt roe and sea urchin.

Try their award winning Blue crab and mango roll, or go sideways with a 69—a California roll crowned with broiled unagi, masago and eel drizzle.

Best part yet? The sake is superb and there’s not a single mention of mahi mahi on the menu.

2) Mama’s Fish House, Kuau, Maui

Sure—the name of this place might call to mind a really bad Martin Lawrence movie (who watches that shit?), but this is, hands down, one of the most extraordinary restaurants in the islands.

To note: TripAdvisor named it one of the ten best restaurants in the U.S., Open Table confirmed that it’s the second most popular eatery in the country and Zagat deemed it the best place to eat on the Valley Isle.

This isn’t the result of dirty money passed under the table or favors performed by peeps lusting after the bistro’s bartenders.

Mama’s, as it’s known, is legit to the bone. Or, rather, boneless—as in its servings of exquisite fish that’s caught within echoing distance of the kitchen’s doors.

Mahi mahi might be on the menu—macadamia nut crusted, too—but choices also include Papio with Hamakua mushrooms and garlic and Molokai ahi grilled in ti leaves with papaya.

Or, you can man up like a Kanaka Maoli (that’s native Hawaiian to you, dear) with their Traditional Hawaiian: Grilled salmon with Big Island wild boar, octopus, ahi poke and sweet potato. Mahi mahi is here, but only as, like, Kate Beckinsale. (Total dependable filler.)

3) Koloa Fish Market, Koloa, Kauai

Have you ever wondered what, exactly, is fried in beer batter, dipped in vats of tartar sauce, served with “chips” and called fish? 

The brains behind Koloa Fish Market in the historic town of Old Koloa haven’t—and that’s good for you and exceptionally good for me. (I’m a twenty-minute plane ride away, suckers.)

Meaning, of course, that the seafood here is totally transparent because it was caught thirty seconds after you stepped into the café.

Family owned and operated, this kick back place is poke galore; be sure to try it with Sriracha. Other top choices? Ahi with wasabi cream, tako (octopus) and seaweed salad. (Seriously, Bubba Gump.)

4) Nico’s Pier 38, Honolulu, Oahu

I’ve yet to meet Nico.  But, if he’s anything like his name, I bet he’s hot as hell.

With chilly, damp hands, of course: After all, this award winning chef handpicks each evening’s selection of fresh fish from local water boys. (You do understand a metaphor, don’t you?)

What began as a plate lunch spot has transformed into a foodie destination, thanks to Nico’s special “touch” (and, let’s be fair, also his vision for supporting local fishermen and sustainability).

Pupus range from ahi belly bites with lomi tomato to perfect poke with Sriracha aioli, while entrees run the gamut from Manila clams to grilled peppercorn swordfish.

And, stay for dessert. The selections might be lacking that telltale briny smell, but oh my god, Crème Brulee Cheesecake and toffee crunch blondies? Screw dinner altogether.

5) Town, Kaimuki, Oahu

“Town” might be one of the more pretentious names of a venue—it’s right up there with LA’s “The Standard” and NYC’s “The Kobe Club”—but we can excuse a touch of douchebaggery for epic achievements.

Of which Town has many. Indeed, everything they touch is close to culinary magic. Black mussels with fennel, pastina, tomato and cinzano broth and cured upelo with watercress are just two of their inspired dishes. Local ingredients are used strategically to enhance their fish’s flavor, and the sides—like risotto cakes with balsamic vinegar—are worth the splurge and then some.

6) Nobu, Lanai

Happen to be on “The Pineapple Island”? Rest assured that gas station Fritos and Funyuns aren’t your only options for dining. For an island the size of my thumb, Lanai has some kick ass options.

And, one of their top picks just happens to specialize in fish.

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Tucked into the Four Seasons Manele Bay like a Victoria Secret’s model at the Playboy mansion (think: supremely elegant and putting the rest of the babes to shame), this chic venue is the small-kine-island version of the global phenomenon.

With a menu inspired by Chef Matsuhisa’s tours around Asia and South America, fortunate diners will find killer dishes like Bigeye and Bluefin toro tartar with caviar, sashimi tacos and lobster ceviche, while hand-cut rolls are filled with wonders like Yellowtail jalapeno and soft shell crab with avo. Insta this shit up: You’ll look like a rock star.

So, now you can stop complaining about mahi-this and mahi-that and enjoy the best of Hawaii’s seafood eateries!!

The post “If I See Macadamia Nut-Crusted Mahi Mahi One More Time…”: 6 Hawaiian Restaurants that Serve Some Serious Fish appeared first on Live Your Aloha Hawaii Tours & Activities.

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5 Best Places to Visit in Hawaii to Catch Yourself a MILF

5 Best Places to Visit in Hawaii to Catch Yourself a MILF

You’d be stunned at the number of people who Google Hawaii and MILF together. (I wouldn’t, unless you’re looking for a batch of porn sites, of course.) Either Hawaii has a super big rep for being where us MILFs are at or there’s a sudden demand to pick one of us up. 

And, why shouldn’t you?

I’m a total MILF, you can even ask my husband (go on, he won’t mind), because weirdly, after fifteen years together, he still thinks I’m as hot as I was when we first met, back at the tender age of 17. (I’ll leave you to do the math there.)   

So, what makes Hawaii so desirable? Why do us MILFs flock to the paradise islands, along with eight or nine million others a year? It’s certainly not a SPAM fetish, right?   

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So guys, because I’m super nice, I’m going to let you in on a few MILF secrets to help you woo one of my amazing counterparts.

This isn’t a cheat sheet for the common perv. You’ve got to have that extra bit of somethin’ somethin’ to bag yourself the highest class of woman.

Hold onto your wide fronts, son, here are five places to catch yourself a stunning MILF like me in paradise. Hope you can keep up!

The Obvious Choice: A Night Club

It’s well-known that women reach their sexual peak in their thirties, while for men it’s their twenties. This makes for a seamless libido match-up, when dating an older woman.

Many women, like myself, in their thirties and above, can wholeheartedly vouch that orgasms in their thirties and beyond are the most powerful ones of their lives.  And, what better place to show off our sexiness (and shoot for a few O’s) than at a club?

Hot, steamy and known for holding our drink, us MILFs can usually be found hanging around the bar, drinking a tropical cocktail made up by the hot bod bartender.

If we’re with our girlfriends, then you’ll find us hitting the dance floor. Anywhere that plays decent eighties, nineties pop will do. Get your skinny ass on the floor and show us what you’re made of!

We love nothing more than a boy who moves.

Next Obvious: The Gym

It may be a stereotype, but we really DO like to look after ourselves, even on vacation. We have a beach body to look after, after all. 

At just under five foot four, my blond highlights shine beautifully with my round brown eyes and sun-kissed skin.  And, with my soft English accent, the combo seems to push men right over the edge.

Yes, I’m overly confident and have been hit on at the gym, right in front of my husband. True story, but way awkward.

Best approach?

Challenge her to a race on the treadmill or a press-up count.  Just don’t be a sore loser when she kicks your butt.     

One perk of dating a MILF is that we’ll whip you into a mature and manly shape. As much as we love your sex drive and rock hard abs, we hate nothing more than a pouty attitude. After all, we already have kids! We don’t want or need another one, thanks.

Kind of well known: A Coffee Shop

When I think about all the things that I love doing on vacation, eating and drinking in the hot Hawaiian sun is way up there.

The trick to (most) MILF’s hearts may be through her stomach.

But, watch out. We are way more independent than your last 20 year old, wouldn’t know how to be really naughty if my life depended on it girl, so you need to tread carefully.

Always be gracious and have something sweet with you, at all times. Approach, ask if she’s hungry (she will be) and offer your snack (don’t go perv here, I’m talkin food).

If you do this, you have more chance of a conversion starting and an even greater chance of her liking you. Appealing snack products can help you attain this!

Be warned, though: Nothing puts us off more than an over domineering guy. We LOVE our independence, have our own cash and don’t need you to buy us stuff all the time. (Okay, the odd one or two gifts is always nice, I suppose.) 

If you’re slightly geeky: Museum

Full of history, you can’t even spit in Honolulu without hitting a museum.

One I’ve been to myself is Honolulu Museum of Art, located near Downtown Honolulu. Since its doors burst open in 1927, this mind-blowing Museum has gradually grown to become one of Hawaii’s largest private presenters of art and has a staggering collection of over 38,000 pieces from around the world.

So, along with our shitloads of life experience, we’re pretty cultured. Yep, we’ve seen it all.

Full of sexual gusto and life skills, we are surely able to teach you a thing or two.

About history, of course.

Art and history are great conversion starters. Pick a piece you like and start talking. The best way to know if there’s a spark is to chat. Simple.

I’ll let you in on a little cloak-and-dagger here: We’re way more patient and less selfish than your last girl. We’re not afraid to tell you what we want straight up and, let’s be honest, there’s nothing sexier than a woman who knows EXACTLY what she wants.

If movies were to be believed: The Park

We’re moms. And, us moms are super fun. The staple behind being with a mom you’d like to f*ck is that, no surprise boys, she’s a mom. 

While it might sound a little creepy to bring up moms and motherhood, when talking about someone you’d like to bang on vacation, the truth is that us moms are more patient and definitely know how to have a good time.

The good thing for you is, that Hawaii, Honolulu especially, is not short on lush green parks.  While she might be enjoying a vacation without her offspring, we moms gravitate toward kid-friendly places automatically.

The straightforward approach is best. If you have a dog, even better.

Keep things simple. Let your pet attract her.

If you’re sitting close to a MILF on the grass, carefully pay attention to what she’s talking about with her friends or what she’s reading.

For example, asking her opinion about something shows that you’re into her, but not in a stalker kind of way, in a more conversion kind of way, assuming she’s interested, of course.

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None of this matters, though, if you come off too pushy or just darn right weird.

The countless number of beaches would, of course, be another, but chatting up a MILF while staring at her boobs will probably just get you a kick in the nuts or a rejection that will have your little posse laughing for years.

Oh, and if you are lucky enough to score one of us hot ladies, then please, I beg of you, make sure your that condo or dare I say it room, is clean and in no way connected to YOUR mom.

No one wants to F you while laying on top of last month’s Playboy or worrying about what you’re going to pick up while there. And, no mom gets all wild and crazy after meeting her boy-toy’s mom.  Hint: Wash your sheets boys.

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